North America is buzzing with election fever. Man oh man, I can hardly sleep at night! And even though on both sides of the border there is no one we trust, no one with a single shred of leadership ability, it doesn't stop us from filling a page with top quality Camping Campaign 2000 excitement.

If any candidate wants to tap the Pigdump voter base (and when you've said that, you've said a mouthful) we've got a little primer for him/her. If any or all of the following issues, solutions, promises are part of a candidate's platform, Pigdump will deliver free advertising to that campaign:

1. People driving SUV's (Viagra Vans, Sport Fertility Vehicles) pay an additional 30% at the pumps.
2. Concert/event seating determined by height (short people get tickets at the front and so forth...)
3. Quotas on Boy Bands - 1 per country.
4. Sidewalk tax on punks/thugs/hoodlums ne'er-do-wells.
5. Product recall on potato chips that promise 250 g of crunchy goodness and you open up the bag and it's half frickin' air!
6. Immediate imprisonment for
   • horking and/or spitting in public
   • using leverage as a verb
   • using a very loud voice on the subway or in the lobby or on a cell phone discussing the deep meaning of Fight Club...well all Edward Norton films come to think of it
   • smoking
7. Television Networks get a tax break for ridding the airwaves of infomercials (death penalty if they continue religious programming.)
8. Pantsless Fridays.
9. A Sony Playstation 2 in every home at Christmas -- guaranteed!

From September 27, 2000: These are a few of my favourite things More. From September 26, 2000: Tom Hanks, who's paying your bills? Do you have a free AOL account? Are all your packages FedEx'ed gratis? Do you sleep at night? More.		From October 13, 2000: These days we are being offered solutions for everything from internet commerce to halitosis. "Scope, your bad-breath solution!" More. From October 2, 2000: What if the Sopranos ran the Pigdump production meeting? More.		Archives Sept 00 - Oct 00 Old Pigdump Archives Aug 99 - Sept 99 - Oct 99 Nov 99 - Dec 99 - Jan 00 Feb 00 - Mar 00 - April 00 May 00 - June 00 - July 00 Aug 00 - Sept 00