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| Pigdump: a telecommunications leader Pigdump was asked to become an AC Nielsen household. Cool, we thought. Maybe they'll hook us up with that fancy cable TV, or perhaps even one of them satellite dishes. I was all set to send off the green response card that would make Pigdump an exclusive Nielsen family member when our quality assurance specialist thought I should read the fine print first:
From the comfort of your own home, you can have an impact on the high-tech and financial services of tomorrow. Telecommunications and credit service suppliers need your insights to help shape their future product offerings.
Now wait a minute. What about the television gizmos? How can we be pop culture trend setters without that fancy cable TV? I read on:
Participation is easy. To track household use, both Home Track Telecom and Home Track Credit panelists will be asked to send us copies of their monthly billings statements by mail, fax or e-mail..."
Ummm...
...We respect your privacy and the confidentiality of the data you will be providing. Therefore, we require participants to "black-out" or remove all account number and expiry date information on monthly statements submitted...
They can't be serious! They want to track telecom and financial trends by looking at my Visa bill? They're gonna know I only buy cotton undies. They're gonna know about my dial-a-bottle tab. They're gonna know about the jellies! This can't be legal.
As a result of our disgust with this kind of invasive scheme, the Pigdump legal and marketing teams held an emergency meeting over the weekend to draft a tome, a litany, an official document, a tenet, a binding contract with you the user that we will never -- and I mean NEVER -- gather information about your personal or financial habits. First of all, we respect your privacy. Second, we could care less about what stuff you buy or where you came from. And third, well, we have no idea how to program that kinda stuff.
So you can count on Pigdump to ignore your needs, to continue to publish stuff that we want without a care of current market or popular trends. Make no mistake, you mean nothing to us, and that should make you feel secure.
Thanks and good luck.
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sThis past week, the Pigdump home office received an important missive from the AC Nielsen company. Yep, the same Nielsen that pays stupid people to watch television (which results in monumental programming events like Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire and Temptation Island.)
