We've been getting some grief from our resident crone, Agnes Gooch.

"The campaign's almost over and you haven't given me the time of day, young snip!"

And she's right. It's time for Agnes to say her piece on next week's election...over to you Agnes...

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All those sweaters. And rolled up sleeves. A new pair of glasses and a cross country train campaign. Is that it? For an election that didn't have to happen, that has pulled our so-called representatives out of the House when for darn sure pensioners like me need them to be IN the House looking after our pork bellies and victory bonds...and all you've done is change your wardrobe?

And don't let me in the same room with that smart aleck Tony Cement, waltzing off to Denver to suck up to Obama and the Americans while my friends in retirement homes were being fed poisonous ham and bologna on HIS watch! Oooo that playboy just makes me spit!

At least no one is calling me an "ordinary" Canadian anymore. What the heck were they thinking? We're all EXTRAordinary, you young whippersnappers! But now Jack's "messaging experts" must have come up with something to replace ordinary..."Everyday families, like you..." What the H-E-double hockey sticks is he talking about? An everyday family my sainted ass! Does that mean some families only exist some days, not everyday? I'd rather be ORDINARY, Mr. Layton!

And speaking of hockey, here's something else that I just have to get off my 18-hour chest. What do people mean by, "The Muskoka Five?" I live in Muskoka and I have NEVER seen the likes of any of these young fellas! Furthermore, the term sounds insulting, derogatory. As if being in Muskoka means being in a country club.

Well I have some news for you narrow-minded young snips: living a rural life up here in Muskoka (NOT "THE MUSKOKAS" FOR DAMN CERTAIN!) can be nasty, short and brutish. Hunters hanging their meat in the front yard, hundreds of feet of snow, the septic backing up on Christmas morning...it's no picnic! So stop referring to us as country clubbers...and I've NEVER seen a darn shinny player in the Foodland in all my days!

And speaking of politics and hockey, did you know that Alaska's own Hockey Mum is going to be dropping the puck in the opening game between the Flyers and the Rangers? That young pipsqueak, Gary Bettman, has tried for 10-plus years to put hockey on the USA map -- laser pucks, form-fitting sweaters, two teams in Florida (yet only ONE in Southern Ontario!) and it took a gunslingin' Mama from America's great white north to put the game front and centre in the minds of middle America. When she doesn't win the election, I say SARAH PALIN FOR NHL COMMISSIONER!

Umm, that is all.
Agnes

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Thanks and good luck.

(Please don't sue us.)