I've been sitting on this one for a while. I suppose I couldn't really come up with anything earthshaking about Canada's beloved Bell service that you didn't know already. You know, when you have to talk to Bell for one thing or another and some joker answers "How can I give you excellent service today?", and the conversation just goes down hill from there?

In my case, it started with me wondering why there was no Sympatico service near me. "Oh, but surely there's a dial up number you can use," the fellow said. Okay, tell me which number to call.

- Well where do you live?
- MacTier
- Hmm, we have no dial-up number for that.
- I know...
- What other town is nearby?
- Parry Sound...
- ...umm, nothing...
- Port Carling...
- ...umm, nope...
- Huntsville...
- ..YES! You can call Huntsville!
- Oh sure I can, but it's long distance.
- Oh.
- So I guess you can't give me excellent service today.
- Now wait a minute, we could give you a new long distance package and Sympatico so you could bundle your Sympatico with your Bell ExpressVu and then you would save $5 a month!
- You're telling me I should call long distance to get online for hours a day so I can save $5 a month?
- Yes! Isn't that great?

Needless to say, they could NOT offer me excellent service.

And then I had to go to the dentist and get some hideous gum surgery done. You see that bone under the gums in the picture above? Well, my periodontist (gum surgeon) had to pull back the gum, file the bone down so that the crack in my molar below the gum line could be visible for my regular dentist so that he can make a caste of my tooth and make a new crown. Think about it. Grinding bone, grinding teeth, freezing in the mouth and cheek. The sound of the operation and the pain when the freezing came out....

So now my gums are packed in something that looks like bubble gum, I have a chipmunk cheek, and all I can eat for a while are meal supplement shakes, bananas, juice and oatmeal. Oh, and whisky.

What does this have to do with my Bell story? Umm, nothing really. But I suppose I needed to talk about both inconvenient, painful events. And there is some ...ahem... sympatico between the stories...like pulling teeth? Sorry.

Please don't sue me.

Thanks and good luck.