I thought not.

I've prepared a handy little checklist that I think might be useful to you as the big day approaches. Print it out and keep it at the ready -- it might just save your life (at the very least, it can be used as toilet paper if your survival supply runs out... and really, right there it will have earned its soap.)

• Between now and mid-December, make lots of money.
• After you've made all that money, go to the bank and withdraw it all.
• Pay some poor fool to run around and get all of those survival things for you, like toilet paper and water and stuff.
• Pringles potato chips should be on that list. They're fun to eat. They stay fresh and dry in those little tubes. If you miss the sound of music, empty Pringles containers can evidently be beaten like drums in a funky tribal fashion. And in a pinch, you can fill 'em up with gun powder and use 'em like bombs to keep the trespassers at bay.
• If you're going to be in a cold climate when the big day comes, make sure you have a Coleman stove and lots of gas. Don't forget the matches! Keep 'em safe and dry in a Glad Zip Lock bag... I think those are the ones that turn green when the blue and yellow zipper parts mesh together... whatever... your little slave... er... helper can take care of this.
• Buy a GameBoy and lots and lots of batteries. If the power goes out on the big day, there won't be any television, my friend! Did you ever think of that?
• Make sure your rifle is full of ammunition. When the neighbours have had to suffer weeks and weeks without Coronation Street, your GameBoy is gonna look pretty inviting to them. Blow them away! No one messes with your Pokeman Pinball!
• Have a little "I told you so" speech prepared for those who didn't believe the big day could create all this damage.
• Have a little "I knew it wouldn't happen" speech prepared for those who ran around and hoarded things and hired slaves to prepare for the big day that didn't come.
• Say your prayers.
• Wear sun screen (heh heh! Now that's original!)
• Don't let any of those 2001 millennium geeks spoil your big day. You know, the ones who did the math and say "this millennium doesn't end until December 31, 2000, and the new one doesn't start until January 1, 2001... you guys are going to be celebrating for nothing. Nya nya nya." Take aim and fire. Shoot to kill. We don't need these party poopers on the other side. Besides, Microsoft didn't do the math right either, so that kinda geek logic means bupkiss.

I thought so.

Tomorrow: Where do you want to go, Toady?
 

7. The right brain controls the left side of the body.

8. A weiner dog is actually called a Dachsund.

9. Money doesn't grow on trees.