Pigdump's Agnes Gooch berates the overrated
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Calista Flockhart.
Big frickin' woo. So Ally McBeal was a big deal for a couple of weeks. Then they got rid of the fat actresses (the ones who wore size 6 instead of size 2) and the show just got lame. Like it totally jumped the shark.And what is so great about Skinny Minnie Flockhart anyway? Off the set she starves herself and faints in grocery stores. And they let her adopt a baby? Go eat a sandwich, Calista! |
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Jennifer Anniston.
Oh goody for you! You married Brad Pitt. That's the most interesting thing about you. Face it, honey, you're boring. You're big-haired, big-moon-faced boring. So you get tons o' cash for Friends... whatever. You're the same week in week out. Years from now we'll still remember Bailey Quarters and Sue Ann Nivens. But the only reason anyone will remember Rachel Green in 20 years is because in real life she married that blond stud... what's his name again? |
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Ben Affleck.
There was barely enough room to stick your big face and your big ego on this page. Had to crop that oh-so-dashing chin. Why Ben and his toothy boy-toy buddy Matt Damon were ever given the time of day is beyond me.
Ever notice, this big time movie star stud cries in every picture. Wah wah wah. Cry, baby, cry! And the girls swoon. Puleeese! Today's matinee idol male romantic lead couldn't carry Cary Grant's loafers. You know what I'm sayin'? |
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Sarah Jessica Parker.
The Queen of overrated people with 3 names. Talk about moon face. Oh so fancy with all that hair and a sexy (HA!) hit show that the in people can't get enough of.
Sorry, dear, but have you ever heard of the The Days and Nights of Molly Dodd? Bonnie Blair? Now that was hip. That had great acting. Your little show where you wear your teeny tiny spaghetti straps that show off your stick-like arms does nothing for us at the bridge club! And why all the boys think you're something? They must be high on dope or something.
Mind you, if you had just remained on that sweet little show Square Pegs where you were a nerdy, gangling, bespectacled student, you'd be in my good books. Why ever did they cancel that show? Damn Hollywood. |
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Ummm... we're very sorry. The editors at Pigdump had no idea old Agnes Gooch was so grumpy. I mean she's a laugh at the water cooler; we had no idea under that 18-hour bra and girdle roils a venomous spirit with freshly-whipped blue hair. This won't happen again. Really.
Thanks and good luck and again we're really sorry...
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