Here's to the Mini-Van!
Three cheers hip hip hooray! And smooches all around to the fine people that drive 'em!
What the heck are we on about this time? Well. There are many people in the world who really need mini-vans. Kids need to be driven to hockey practice, the pooch needs a place in the back, the out of stock Ikea shelving unit has finally arrived and it just won't fit in the old Firefly. So what do
these needy folks do? They go to their local car shop and buy a shiny new mini-van. They drive it proudly out of the lot. We love these people.
And then there are other people who really need mini-vans. But good God, they wouldn't be caught dead in one! So boxy, so suburban! "Boring people drive mini-vans," these people say. So they take their high-fallutin attitudes to a different vendor of motorized vehicles like Jeep or Pathfinder. "We have 2 chocolate Labs, you see, so we need lots of room in the car when we drive them to High Park for the morning walk." Oh, and they wouldn't fit in the back of a lovely Plymouth Voyager? Pulease! "I think that 4-wheel drive turbo Grand Cherokee will do the trick." Goodness, yes, of course you need the 4-wheel drive, it's a bumpy morning ride to work driving over all the homeless people who are scattered about the King and Bay corridor.
But you know, in the end, we can all laugh at these smarty-pants folks. I mean, they could have had a reasonably priced van that would do the trick, but they decided to spend an extra $15-$30K just so that they wouldn't have to say they own a mini-van. HA! These dumbass yuppies would rather have a Sport Fertility Vehicle... whatever. And those over-bred white haired geezers who used to buy sports cars in their old age are turning to the overpriced, oversized Viagra Vans. Well good for you, Gramps!
So to all you proud mini-van owners, we at Pigdump salute you! In fact, I think we'll make the rest of November MINI-VAN MONTH! You rock! You know who you are. Don't be shy. Say it loud, "I'm mini-van proud!"
Tomorrow: Smells like...