How To Buy A Car
Today Pigdump dives into the consumer marketplace with a primer, a guide, a rule-set, an insider report, a digital handbook, a tome, a do's and don'ts on car buying. You might want to bookmark this page to keep at the ready... you never know when you're going to need a tip or two. All set? Here we go!
Rule number 1: Make sure you are a man. If you happen to be a woman, go to the doctor immediately and set up a sex-change operation. Use hormones if you can't afford the operation. At the very least, talk in a deep voice, wear a fake moustache and dress butch.
Rule number 2: Do NOT under any circumstance give the salesman your phone number. You will be harrassed, stalked and hunted to the end of time... and you may end up with a teal-coloured Corolla with 5 on the floor and taupe leather interior when all you really wanted was a used raspberry Tercel.
Rule number 3: Call the Autombile Protection Agency to get their literature on good and bad dealers. True, all their lines will be busy each time you try calling them, but you can leave your number on an answering machine and they'll call you back... well, that is unless their answering machine is full, which is most of the time because everyone wants their help though I'm not sure if anyone works there... okay, skip Rule number 3.
Rule number 4: If you live in a big city and you are looking for cars in big city dealerships, start over. Find a nice little town 60-100 kilometres from your big city. There, you will find a nice dealership where you will be given a warm welcome and hot coffee. And don't be surprised if the humble small town dealer gives you a price $600-1000 cheaper than that big city dealer. And chances are, if you're a woman, you won't have to follow Rule number 1 so you can keep all your bits in the right places.
Now I betcha the darling and devoted Pigdump visitors have the odd car-buying anecdote. We'd like you to share them with us. Send us your wacky story, your painful missive, your horror story, your light and bouncy tale of your car-buying experience and we'll publish it right here on a big time world class website! Thanks and good luck.
