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You got it! March 13th, 2000

Where do I start?

You may have read last week that I'm in the hunt for a new car. I don't really need one, the '89 Firefly is a nice little thing and sweet on gas too! But here's the thing. I park on the street; the street is right by a highschool; the little Firefly is old and a bit rusty; it doesn't have a security system. So guess what? IT KEEPS GETTING VANDALIZED!!!!!!

At Hallowe'en, 2 tires were punctured. I thought... those nutty kids. A little later, someone had stuffed garbage up the tailpipe. Harmless, but those silly kids... Then one day, I noticed the passenger-side mirror was gone, moulding and all. Later that week, on one of those icy cold days, someone had thrown an egg on my windshield. Ever tried to scrape frozen solid yoke and yech off frosty frozen glass? But last Friday was the final straw. The driver-side mirror was ripped off. And I mean demolished. Shards of plastic all over the road... but no glass. And now I have a car I can't drive. Officer Francis told me it's illegal to drive without at least a driver-side mirror. So I have to get a new car sooner than later.

And I just want to say this:

Punks, thugs, hoodlums, ne'er-do-wells, rapscallions, damn you all!!!! Nothing better to do on March break you little snot-nosed #%$@s? You touch my new car and I'm gonna... believe me I'm just gonna... well, you better just look out big time and I mean it!

Ummm... the end.

Tomorrow: The fifth beetle.


© This is a real website.
everything I know ...continued 113. The gizzard is a bird's second stomach, used for grinding food.

114. Mares eat oats and does eat oats.
to be continued...


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