We've been busy. And you thought we were just sitting around on our lazy asses waiting for Dominion Day. No sir!
We have just spent a delicate week or so with Pigdump's cub reporter Chris Norton as she finished up her 2-month jargon rehab program. As you may recall, Chris was sent to a real ad agency to take an inside look at what makes the world go 'round. Sadly, she ended up in the Larry Tate Memorial Decompression Clinic.
Well, when she was in the last stages of treatment, when reality began to seep back into her over-synergized memory, she remembered an horrific incident she had with one of the off-shoot B2B companies owned by The Agency. This is her tale... but take heed, just hearing the story may damage the young 'uns:
"I was sitting in the Bubble Room -- that's what they call they board room for the interactive gang -- comparing notes on a click and mortar e-commerce e-ndeavour when a solution strategist from Direct Marketing ran in shouting:
That's it that's it! I have the answer! No more stamp-licking for me, no sir! You e-com kids in your dotcom fantasy won't have all the fun anymore. And those Agency Execs and their bigtime television spots won't be the only ones winning awards anymore. No sir! I have the plan! AdWear! Yup, AdWear. Imagine... we use a secret invisible ink formula to emblaze our client's logo onto all sorts of clothes. Then we send a free article of clothing across the spec'd-out market base. The unsuspecting consumer will wear the t-shirt, or the bra, or the parachute pants, or the boxers, or the nighty and that's when the fun starts... in sunlight that t-shirt will glow with a big (your brand here); when the consumer in the nighty starts getting foxy, a big (your brand here) glitters in the bedroom dark; it starts to rain and those parachute pants stay dry with a chemically enhanced (your brand here) rubber logo. The possibilities are endless! Stamp-licking be gone! We will stuff envelopes no more!
And that's when I conked out and they told me I woke up here at the Larry Tate Memorial Decompression Clinic 2 days later. This field work kinda sucks ass."
Pigdump is rethinking Chris's next hard-hitting foray into the fascinating world of Mennonite rappers.