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July 23, 2002
Holy Hogtown!
 
The god days of summer

pope j-p j-p Good Christ but there are a lot of Christians in Toronto! Everywhere I look, some young'un in a beige bucket hat and a red knapsack is lugging a cross on his/her shoulder, being cheered on by a gang of similarly-clad young'uns.

Now I don't object to large groups of pimply pubescents working themselves up into a religious lather, honestly I don't. In fact, I think this festival of young Catholic pilgrims is extremely fascinating on a social and anthropological level. John-Paul John-Paul isn't just a God to these people, he's Britney Spears, Brad Pitt, the Backstreet Boys and Mick Jagger all rolled into one! The kids go positively limp knowing the pontiff is in the house.

But here's the thing I don't understand... why does he wear that pointy hat? Don't his handlers see that he's getting too old to bear the weight of that gilded monstrosity? That bejeweled bonnet? What's in that thing anyway, gold bricks? Wet sponges? Let the poor old guy wear a simple baseball cap; the kids would really be down with that! Or perhaps a fashionable Tilley hat for his stay up at Lake Simcoe. The thing is, anything would be better than that pointy thing that makes his head tip over to one side.

Unless he can't help himself in which case... ummm... nevermind.
 
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