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| Inside politics with Chris Norton "Hello Hogtown, it's Chris Norton, cub reporter, checking in with a juicy scandal from cottage country Ontario. Now you folks think it's embarrassing living in the big smoke and having the Chief Bad Boy as mayor. Think again. I did some investigative journalism up in a little railroad town called MacTier and lemme tell you, have I ever uncovered a coverup while working undercover!
"I took a job at the local hardware store as a twine and chain specialist in the outdoor accessories department. I was out back having a smoke with Wayne, the manager of the store -- I became a 3-pack-a-day smoker so I could fit into this undercover gig, we investigative reporters go the distance for the story, eh? -- and I asked him why the local swimming beach was closed.
"'Well it's like this, you see Chris, that there beach is a place where these real special birds congregate, it's like one of them natural conservatories, eh, so the swimming lessons and stuff interfere with their habitat.' Well, that made sense to me.
"But then that night, while sucking back a few cold ones at the Whistle Stop with Marge and Stan, I heard some disturbing news... the water, my water, Stewart Lake was contaminated with a bacteria! No, could this be Walkerton all over again? Mike Harris gonna come by and deny and regret all over again?
"Well after much digging, hours of tooting around the local township offices, it turns out the municipal (pronounced mu-ni-SIP-ple) bigwigs are dumber than the provincial clowns. Evidently one of the local councillors heard some tourists complaining that there wasn't enough beach space, that the shoreline brush was interfering with their summer holiday enjoyment. So this muniSIPple joker hires some eco-thugs to pull up a stretch of waterfront weeds, reeds, and bushes so the beach is more attractive to the fancy folks from the south. Only trouble is, the next day, the water testers come by and give sweet old Stewart Lake a failing grade and close the beach down! So the muniSIPple bigwig concocts a story about the local waterfowl to cover for the fact that she screwed up...she thought she'd get away with it!
"But the townsfolk of MacTier aren't so dumb. The little railway town is abuzz with the turn of events, and with the threat of Stewart Lake becoming a health hazard, the dumb-ass councillor comes clean and says the water levels are skewed because the shoreline and soft waterfront had been churned up by the eco-thugs. The testers came back when the dust had settled (heh heh) and MacTier's little lake passed with glowing results.
"The pike still spawn, the turtles troll, and the wide-mouth bass fill the fisherman's dreams at the little Muskoka lake in spite of one elected muniSIPple official's greed to bring the fancy folks to the district. And if that ain't a sweet story, then I'm a pig in a poke. This is Chris Norton, signing off."
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Over the past few years, our cub reporter, Chris Norton, has covered some pretty weighty subject matter for the Pigdump editorial desk. Today, young Chris puts on her political chapeau and wades into the cut throat world of municipal politics:
