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So you wanna be a dotcommer, eh? Monday July 31, 2000

Pigdump's Tips for Living
How to deal with headhunters
(PLUS! a bonus tip for girls everywhere!)

shrunken headhuntersTis the season to be on the look out for headunters. Well, actually, when you're in a business on the bleeding edge of the way new economyTM, every season is headhunter season.

So whaddya do when you pick up the phone at work and some jargon-spouting clown is on the other end promising you the world? We're so glad you asked! Now run and get a pencil or pen cuz you'll want to take notes:

How do I know it's a headhunter?

  • The first thing out of his mouth is "We've heard about you from a lot of major players."
  • Followed by "and this company that wants to meet with you, well lemme tell you, these guys aren't just about stock-options."
  • Crowned by the ever popular "I can get you 6-figures."

How did he find me and what does he want?

  • One of your friends got sick of him calling her at work and passed your name to him. Find out which friend and be sure to return the favour one day.
  • He wants to help you get more money. Because if he lands you in that fabulous new job, he gets a cut of the salary.
  • (Never mind that the fabulous job gives you an ulcer as you slog away at yet another AGENCY planning mind-numbing B2B online resource tools.)

What if I have no idea what he's talking about?

  • If he uses "leverage" as a verb, hang up immediately. He has no idea what he's on about either.
  • If he says "I know what you're thinking, online MBA clowns. Well I gotta tell you, these guys are different. Pure play, no brick and mortar ties," pour yourself a drink, then hang up.
  • If he calls right back and says "I guess we got off on the wrong foot. Maybe I read you wrong, didn't take the 30,000 foot view of what it means to be you," arm yourself and hunt him down like a dog.

So the moral is this: if you are one of those fast-track dotcommers on the bleeding edge of the way new economyTM, don't answer the phone. Ever.

BONUS TIP
Girls, what do you do when (heaven forbid!) you're between men?

  • Try reading.

To be continued...

Tomorrow: A juicy tidbit.


© This is a real website.
everything I know ...continued 163. B2B means Business to Business. B2C means Business to Consumer.

164. BSB means Back Street Boys.
to be continued...


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