(There is a story here, but first, a little background. This past weekend, the crack strategic team leader of the elite Pigdump A-Team had a breakdown of sorts. Oh no, it's not like you think, no madcap whisky binge, no rushing off to the shrink for a dose of that social disorder pink pill or anything. Let's just say she went into denial.

You'll notice there isn't a fresh Clip-Art Comic or Weekend Funny or whatever the unbranded frickin' thing is. Denial is powerful, friend. The crack strategic team leader ran away from her responsibilities. She ran from her dark place to get to a darker one. That's right, Pigdump went to the movies this weekend instead of preparing some intelligent, witty Top Quality Content^TM.)

This is what happened. Really:

The theatre of choice was a flashy one downtown, one of them bright and shiny multi-screen entertainment meccas. The $9 movie of choice was O Brother, Where Art Thou? Just as I was settling into the comfy chair and digging into a bag of crispy potato poopies, a spotlight hit the stage. A kid, an usher of sorts with a black baseball cap a clipboard and a microphone, walked into the centre of our attention.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen," he read from the clipboard (it was 1:45 in the afternoon), "...and welcome to..." he flipped through a few pages on the clipboard... "O Brother..." flip flip "Where Art... Though." he flipped a few more pages, held it up to the spotlight to help him read the next line in his script... "Please turn off... all cell... phones and beepers..." flip flip flip... "..." flip flip "... thanks and enjoy the movie."

And here's the nutty thing: after the movie finished and I (ahem) accidently wandered into another theatre in the complex (The Pledge this time) the same punk with his cap and his clipboard wandered in... "Good evening ladies and gentlemen," he read from the clipboard (it was now 4:15), "...and welcome to..." he flipped through a few pages on the clipboard... "The Pledge..." he flipped a few more pages, held it up to the spotlight to help him read the next line in his script... "Please turn off... all cell... phones and beepers..." flip flip flip... "..." flip flip "... thanks and enjoy the movie."

Is this necessary? Do we need to have some illiterate minimum wage joker make an ass of himself before a flick? Is that why we're paying $9 for a matinée? To keep punks like him off the street? It's no wonder I snuck into the second movie. Good God, does anybody care about this? No, not the illegal entry to The Pledge... I mean this stupid dumb waste of time and this poor kid... okay, so I got 2 movies for the price of 1 overpriced movie. I believe I earned it, and had to put up with the blundering fool... okay, I feel a bit guilty. Okay?

Thanks and good luck.
 

A year ago on Pigdump: Our crack team of sociologists, psychologists and anthropologists will be looking at a normal third grade class of 1968 and telling us what has become of them 32 years later. More.		From January 8, 2001: ...and before you can say 'I need a new pair of big floppy shoes' we'll be the saviours of the world wide web! More. From January 5, 2001: Why do we need sirloin steak, leg of lamb, pig tenderloin? We're Gods, for frick sake Zeus! We don't eat anything! More.		Archives Sept 00 - Oct 00 - Nov 00 Dec 00 - Jan 01 Old Pigdump Archives Aug 99 - Sept 99 - Oct 99 Nov 99 - Dec 99 - Jan 00 Feb 00 - Mar 00 - April 00 May 00 - June 00 - July 00 Aug 00 - Sept 00