yes, it says
Canvas uber allus Wednesday January 5, 2000

We at Pigdump don't often step up on the soapbox and spew. No, we don't like to take up your valuable surfing time by going on and on about some topical issue, especially when we know you're reading this on company time.

But allow us just this once to stand up and make some noise about something that sticks in our crank, that deflates our soufflé, that rides up our butt cheeks like some ratty old skivvies. It's an issue that society has been afraid to address and it's time to remedy that!

Canvas bags!!! Or more specifically, the straps on canvas bags!!! I mean really! If you're under 5-foot-4, the frickin straps are too damn long! And next thing you know, your groceries are picking up sand and spittle from the pavement as your "biologically friendly" CANVAS BAG is dragging on the ground! Gimme the ozone-eating plastic any day! At least those bags at a 5-foot-4 arms length won't scrape up the doodie from the neighbour's pooch or attract the snotball that shot full force to the ground out of your landlord's red bulbous nose!

I bet you never thought about this, eh? I bet you never wondered what it's like to walk in the shoes of an under-5-foot-4 person. Think about that the next time you're carrying your tins and dry goods to the food bank in the evil canvas receptacle. You don't know how good you have it, buster!

Umm, thanks and good luck.

Tomorrow: Derby Day.

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81. A rabbit punch is a punch to the back of the neck. I think.
to be continued...

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