yes, it says
It's the real thang... Monday January 17, 2000

An anonymous missive crossed the Pigdump editorial desk last week. At first we laughed... surely this "insider" e-mail didn't really come from the CEOs of 2 recently-merged companies. No one worth billions of bucks could write such rah-rah drenched-in-cliché dreck, could they? Hmmm. Of course they could!

Rather than summarize the e-mail that went out to all the new millionaires, Pigdump has decided to publish it for you. But on the anonymous insider's request, names have been changed to protect the innocent. Here's what it said:

Dear Colleague:

Earlier this week, we announced our plans to create the first media and communications company for the Internet Century. We are convinced that the Eh-OL/Tempus-Warmer combination has the unique ability to put the digital revolution on the fast track, spurring competition and bringing dramatic new choices and conveniences to consumers faster than had previously been thought possible.

Looking ahead, the most important thing for all of us is to stay focused on our work. The underlying value of our enterprises will always be in the day-to-day quality of what we offer our customers. In the interim, as our integration committee develops plans to leverage the enormous talent of both companies, here are some other key points to keep in mind:

First, our focus is on growth. At its core, this merger is about putting together two highly creative companies to accelerate the development and deployment of a whole new generation of interactive services and content. We fully expect to grow at a rate well above what either company could have achieved on its own.

Second, our merger is driven by a shared view of how the networked world will evolve, and a deep commitment to leading that transformation. We both believe we have a responsibility to assure quality of content and to see to it that people everywhere can participate in the unprecedented possibilities for economic growth, human understanding and creative expression that are currently unfolding.

Third, we share an understanding that the key to our future success is the energy, imagination and pioneering spirit of our people. All of you are innovators and inventors in your own way. Your collective genius will guarantee our future. We are committed to preserving and expanding the creative and intellectual environment that allows this genius to flourish.

Fourth, our merged company will lead the way into an exciting new era. The market has never before had to value a company with our unique combination of assets and we are firmly committed to realizing the immense possibilities of this merger and delivering the results to our shareholders.

We are all part of creating a company that will fundamentally change the way people communicate with each other. Together, we can make ours the most respected and valuable enterprise in the world, founded on a shared sense of responsibility to the common good, and driven by a passion for innovation and exploration. For the creative and talented people who are the lifeblood of our companies, we foresee truly limitless opportunities.

Over the next several months we will keep you informed of our transition efforts. We know that you will continue to perform at the level that has made each of our companies the standard by which the world measures excellence and success.

Thank you for your continued dedication and commitment to building a company and a medium we can all be proud of.

Warm regards,

Reeve Basketcase and Jerry Lewis

Tomorrow: Haircut 101

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