Welcome to Pigdump!
December 14, 2000
Festive adventures.
Your tax cuts at work

putt puttHere's an idea.

If we stop funding unprofitable services like shelters for the homeless and shelters for kids and women, we can add the savings to our little cash bucket. Then let's give tax incentives to the folks in downtown Lawyerland to build things for people who can spend money in this world class city.

I know, we can help the look of downtown Lawyerland by removing the eyesores - lumps of metal, homeless people, broken-down shacks - and put something there that is compelling to attractive people. You know, those rich dot commers who can't get enough of rock climbing, even when it's not really a rock but a wall in an old factory? Yep, we're getting there...work with me...

rock-climbing dickheadWhat do bankers in Bankerland and lawyers in Lawyerland like to do? They like to golf! So what if... what if someone built a little 9-hole golf course right downtown across from that big concrete dome thing that taxpayers paid so dearly for a couple of years ago? The bankers and lawyers could scoot over there in their lunch hour, and they could network and power-think of ways to make more money for the city so more and more attractive people can come down here and spend! I'm liking this.

But the thing about Lawyerland is, there aren't a lot of prime golfing months. Gets a bit chilly for plus-fours in December. Well, what about an outdoor heated driving range? Yes! That'll do it! Rich toasty-warm golfers right in the core of this world class city. Goodness, why didn't we make these little cutbacks to housing and other insignificant social programs ages ago?

But it shouldn't end here. Let's pour billions of real cash dollars into sprucing up the entire 40 klicks of waterfront. Get rid of those unsightly plastic tents and soiled folks and make a pitch for the world to come visit in 2008. When they see our beautiful city full of beautiful people, they'll know we care about all the good things in life. They'll know that we cherish our city and all those in it. They'll see us for who we really are. Then the world will come in 2008.

editor's note: and we'll be paying for it 'til 2108.
A year ago on Pigdump:
Pigdump succumbs. It's the Pigdump List
TM... the first and last listTM of the last year that begins with the number 19. More.
From December 14, 2000:
I have one thing to say to these people: Publish your own frickin Web site! More.

From December 11, 2000:
Life lessons learned from show tunes. More.

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