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August 13, 2001
Go Go Gophers
 
Interview with a mason (of sorts)

The crack editorial team up in Pigdump's northern office recently found out that they were in dire need of some chimney work. Point work, you know, re-mortaring, re-flashing? Anyway, they called up a local stone worker, Helmut Clausenbauer, and asked him for a quote. The interview went something like this:

Pigdump: So I guess I need some work done to the chimney.

Helmut Clausenbauer: Oh ya the lady who was here before, eh, she had me look at the chimley, sayin' if she din't sell the place she'd do the work on the chimley in the fall, eh?

PD: I knew going in I'd need some work done on it...

HC: Ya, I been doin' this goin' on 35 years up here like, eh? Like before I was down in Pickering, had all this land, eh, and a stream goin' through it? That was when they was puttin' in that Pickering airport, eh, and they took all our land like. I guess I was like a gentleman farmer, eh, had the boys, I got 5 boys, 2 of the them in the business, 2 of them doin' accounting down in the states, eh, and my other boy workin' at Wayne's hardware in town...

PD: So how is your time this summer? Would you be able to fit this work into your schedule?

HC: Oh no problem, eh? Like I say, been doin' this up here goin' on 35 years, doin' it now semi retired but my 2 boys, they been doin' most of the heavy work not like the other 2 boys took the easy road, eh? Me, I've had 5 heart attacks and had the bypass surgery a couple of years ago, eh? So I do this chimley work semi retired...

PD: And as for the cost of the work...

HC: Well I could do the Mickey Mouse work on your chimley, eh, but it needs a new flue like, and you'd be fixin' it again in 2 years. This chimley, I can use the same stones so there's no materials cost like, eh? I worked on the chimley next door, and old Carl's place had a lot of work done, like that was a few years back...

PD: So...

HC: Oh sure just get my boys out here, chimley be done in 2 days. Now I got a lot of other work goin' on this summer, eh? Like a 2 month job over on Georgian Bay so like I say I could do the Mickey Mouse job but this is a good chimley, eh, and like you don't want to have trouble in other places inside like on account of the Mickey Mouse work.

PD: ...

HC: I'd say around $1000, eh and that's like you know if you pay cash you don't have to think about that 15%. That government, eh? They take my land down in Pickering, nice little gentleman farmer, me, and never built it, never built the airport, eh, but $1000 and I'll do your chimley.
 
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