It's the first day of spring so I suppose it's time to get rid of those goddamn snow pictures that have been hanging around Pigdump the way...well, the way the snow is hanging around Pigdump north. That's the last I'm gonna say about the snow that was still about 4 feet high when I looked out the window at the minus-18 thermometer this morning.
The end.
Segue.
Brand is everything. Isn't it?
So why does a perfectly good toilet paper with a lovely name and a hummable tune change its name? Why "Cashmere"? Why now? What was wrong with Cottonelle? I can STILL feel the cottony softness of it. I don't necessarily want toilet paper made from an Afghan goat wiping my delicate behind! Think about it!
And then there's Scott Towels. I use 'em almost every day cleaning off the window of my woodstove (don't worry, I'm not going to get into wood again.) All of a sudden they've become Sponge Towels. Why now? Why in the middle of curling's Scott Tournament of Hearts? Is it becaue our women didn't win gold? Is it now the Sponge Tournament of Hearts? How weird is that?
Now I know, these changes are nothing like the debacle of New Coke that happened in the 1980s. I mean toilet paper and paper towels can't hold a candle to one of the world's biggest brands (they would burn, I think.)
But there is one brand that's in need of an image change BIG TIME! It's Burger King and its freaky mascot. The plastic headed king with the creepy smile. I know fast food companies are having trouble in this trans-fat-free-omega-3-loving society of ours. Some joints are making healthy foodstuff now like salads and trans-fat-free apple pies. At least we kinda respect that, even though the greasy burgers remain.
But Burger King? Man! Even if they have changed their recipes and are making the perfect fat-free burger that helps me LOSE weight, I'll never know it because I can't get past that creepy king who wakes up in a guy's bed... who ends up on a bicycle-built-for-two in a romantic setting with an unsuspecting guy. It's Brokeback Mountain with a plastic-headed pedophile instead of Heath and Jake! UGH!
So change the damn Burger King brand and leave my toilet paper alone.
Thanks and good luck.