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June 23, 2005

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Pigdump's Agnes Gooch weighs in on the Live 8 controversy

a big ole guitar bent into a figure 8

What, you didn't know there was a controversy?

It's us darn Canadians whining at ourselves again. When Canada has anything to do with a major entertainment event, we eat ourselves. We're so lucky to live in such a peaceful, clean (ish), friendly, welcoming country, but we find the darndest things to whinge about. This time, it's the line-up we're giving the world for the big Live 8 concert that is getting up our collective nose (and you know how THAT can hurt!)

Whine whine whine! Our singers are all ancient. Wah wah wah! Where in heaven's name is Barrie anyway? We're a big embarrassment.

Oh just listen to yourselves! Sure we've got the old guys, but we have some top young'uns too! Isn't that what it's supposed to be? Generations strumming one big guitar together? Of course we can't present as huge a line-up as the UK or Jesusland can. What fancy rock and roll star doesn't want to play there. But have you checked out the other line-ups?

The biggest international star in the Paris show is... American Sheryl Crow. Oh big woo! Madame Tour de France hasn't had a hit in a decade, but are the Parisians complaining? Oh sure, they've got Dildo Dido too, but the third big act is... The Cure! And we're complaining that Canada isn't current!

Then there's Berlin... Chris de Burgh anyone? Or how about that international one-hit-wonder 80s band A-ha. Do you even remember what their big song was? And talk about geezers. Roxy Music starring the ageing Bryan Ferry? And we say Randy Bachman is old! Sheesh!

Rome will be boasting Faith Hill and some yoakum named Tim McGraw. These insignificant Americans will be overshadowed by a bunch of internationally unknown Italian acts. Again, isn't that how it should be? Local talent young and old mixed in with the tried and true?

Tell me Canada is any weirder. An internationally unknown hottie like Sam Roberts mixed in with Mr. Mariposa Gordon Lightfoot. The Tragically Hip and Bryan Adams...well whaddya expect? At least Robert Goulet and Guy Lombardo aren't on the menu, but they'd be welcome too, I tell you! And when the critics whine saying "Oh at least somehow get the Rolling Stones to play the Canadian gig..." ...have you checked THEIR birth certificates? They're two years older than GOD!

And here's the thing: what better group of folks to speak to the politicians? The geezer rockers are about Paul Martin's age, so why not let them be the ones to convince the old guy to do the right thing. Oh sure, Bono used to be his best friend, but do you think Bono will come to Canada to play Barrie? No. I'd rather be in London too.

That's all. I really didn't have anything more to say.

Happy Dominion Day.

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