When we get lippy, there's always a chance that we might get sued. So forgive us if we use very careful language here. Goodness knows, we don't want to set our lips a-flapping and have our asses dragged through the New York State justice system again. But there's something that just frickin gnaws at my craw (and you know how that can hurt!) and it must be spewed forth today.

It's about lips, you see. Big fat voluptuous lips. Several advertising campaigns these days feature women in the most boring, normal situations, but they're pursing their lips as if posing for Maxim magazine.

Like as if women go and buy glasses and put on the big pout as they talk to the sales person. "Ooo baby, these bifocals make me feel like taking my clothes off for you!" There's an advertising campaign going on right now for Sanyo, that's called Go Blue (or something lame like that.) One of the posters features a dolled-up woman looking excited (and kinda blue) because she bought a new Sanyo product. Her lips aren't turned up in a big smile, they're positively pouty queen sex goddess-ish. And she looks so stupid. They all do. Do men really think women walk around all day with their Sandra Bernhard lips barely parted in a slinky stupid "I want to eat you" pout?

Ya, that's exactly what we do, we walk around with our lips inviting you to...well...you know... and we do it when we buy groceries in case we catch your eye in the produce aisle. We do it when we're in the laundromat so you can think about your dirty linens. We do it when we're home alone eating Kraft Dinner, just in case you wonder what we look like when we're home alone eating Kraft Dinner.

As for being sued, well, we've used a couple of images here...ummm...that we don't own...but not Sanyo! So there. But lemme tell ya, I can't take any more of this lip, for cryin' out loud.

Please don't sue us.

Thanks and good luck.