My fellow Americans. As you know, an atrocity was committed against one of our own last week. While vacationing in Spain, an American citizen was struck down by an unimaginable force. While running through the streets of Pamplona, the Spanish authorities, those same Spanish authorities who sided with us in our fight against Iraq, let loose an army of weapons so lethal, that innocent citizens were left gored and maimed.

These weapons grunt and snort. They have pointy horns on their heads, much like Satan himself. The Spanish must be stopped and we're the ones to do it.

As I speak, troops are gathering off the coast of Gibraltar waiting for my order to attack. There is no place on this God's earth for weapons that cause such horror, that threaten all the citizens of the world in such an evil way.