I woke up this morning and heard some atrocious news: Tito is in space! He paid $20M US to the Russian space program and gets a week to float around the world among the stars.

Now I've just about had it with that damn Jackson 5. And their sisters too. Just because Janet, Michael and Latoya have all the money in the world - except for Oprah and Martha Stewart - does that mean they can fly big brother Tito to the international space station? I mean what has Tito done lately? Why not send Marlan Jackson into space to help with the harmonies?

This is an outrage. Couldn't Tito's $20M US helped the world in some way? Kids are starving, people are on the street, the environment is toast. But the falsetto back-up king gets a vacation in the heavens? Next thing you know, frickin' movie producers are going to be buying their way to space. Like that nutty James "I'm King of the Frickin' World" Cameron... I bet he's got cash to fly his ass up there too.

Oh Tito. You are one of the forgotten Jacksons, so you go and blow your wad for headlines. I'm appalled. But in space, no one can hear me scream.
 

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